I cannot remember if I have ever written about an incident that marred me for life. If I have perhaps what happened today might bring a message that: “all is forgiven.”
When I was a teenager, our family would go deer hunting. I always said even then, “they go hunting, I go camping.” I wanted no part of their carnage. However, be careful what you declare, as they Universe has a way of delivering what you might be resisting. The fact that I wanted no part of killing something did become a reality for me.
The boy next door and his family went with us one time. I was in the, “trying to impress him” phase. His brothers, my sister and I were target practicing with a 22 rifle. What was I thinking in even picking up gun?
A chipmunk was sitting on a log nearby looking at us, and they dared me to try to shoot it. Enter ego… I aimed and shot at the critter. Unfortunately, my aim was perfect. They brought it over to show me. I was devastated and retreated to the tent, where I cried and went into a deep remorse. Everybody tried to make it better, to no avail.
That incident stayed with me for a lifetime. How could I do something like that? Is that why I now embraced my Buddhist nature by not wanting to kill the rats that are in my house by using a humane trap? Hmm.
Since living here, you have read my blog of “Chip” and the new “Baby” chipmunk that I feed daily. And how the new baby is so trusting and friendly. Well, today’s meeting blew me away. I put the tubs of seed on the bench and started putting seed out when one of the chipmunks (I don’t know which one since they are both the same size now) came right up to the tub. I said to myself, “I wonder” and slowly reached out to pet it. It didn’t run away. It totally accepted my stroking it and I was able to pet it several times. Oh my, it was awesome!
So, just maybe, the former spirit of one murdered chipmunk returned in my life, to give me a gift of acceptance, perhaps forgiveness; and all these years later I can leave our encounter this time, with a wonderful, loving feeling of peace.